Squirrel Party

From Design House Digital: Celeste Knight, Wildflower kit.


At Easter, Muz told us, she hid dozens of plastic eggs all over the yard, some filled with candies, others with pennies. They left the yard for just a few minutes to collect Ally and Toby and give them baskets, but when they returned, a terrible discovery was made: The squirrels had chewed apart each egg with chocolates and eaten every single piece of candy! The eggs with pennies, however, were intact. Ally and Toby were upset, although it was OK, Muz said, b/c they still had their Easter baskets to tide them over. So anyway, at Thanksgiving, we decided to replicate the situation and watch how the squirrels did it. Did they pick each egg up and sniff it? How quickly did they tear an egg apart? We eagerly put candy into some eggs, pennies into others, and scattered them in the grass. We went inside and waited, me with the camera. And waited. And waited.


The squirrels did not come. It was, to be sure, a very cold and gloomy day, with piercing winds and some cold drizzle. But still -- here were EGGS! With chocolates! For the squirrels! Why were the damn things not coming around? We got tired of waiting and had some snacks, and some drinks, and when we checked back later: Still nothing. The squirrels, who routinely do things like eating the pears off the tree, and cleverly getting seed from the bird feeder no matter what kind of squirrel guards are up, and no matter how much snow is falling, and who eat all of the tender garden shoots, and once chewed a hole into the garbage bin, were shunning us. Isabel was disappointed, because I’d told her: “We can watch the squirrels open the eggs!” And she got happy and said, “It’s a party for the squirrels! I want to see them have their party!” and she was quite sad when the squirrels did not, in face, come to their own party. She cried.


Amado, Isabel and I had to fly back to AZ that day. Muz told me that the next day when she went to take the garbage out, the eggs were chewed apart, just like at Easter -- the eggs with candy. The squirrels had come on their own schedule. It reminded us of the time when we put an ENTIRE TOMBSTONE PiZZA on the kitchen table and left it unattended, with the video camera running, so we could see how the dog, Baby, went about stealing food. Did she yank the pizza off the table and eat it on the floor? Did she eat it while standing on a chair? Did she look both ways before taking it? We never got to find out, because -- like the squirrels -- she declined to humor us. This dog, who would steal pizza from TWO FEET AWAY FROM YOU when you turned your back to say “bye!” to guests, and who would steal steaks OFF THE GRILL when you turned around to pick up tongs, exasperatingly decided not to eat a pizza when left completely alone in the room with it for an extended period of time. Who knew she has something like this in common with the squirrels she hated so much?